Practicing the present: the (initial) difficulty of living one moment at a time
I remember vividly how magnificent presence was when I first allowed myself to fully be present in the now. When I slipped away from my mind and let my whole being indulge this one, wondrous moment. Life was suddenly lush with colour;
I could hear the water flow in trees, sense how the flowers were growing, notice absolutely everything in the present moment and how that everything is me, in me, a part of me - and I, a part of it.
I became one with the universe.
Ah the wondrous, worry-free, solid, exciting, beyond beautiful present moment. It is an ecstatic all-encompassing state, something you desperately hunger for when you step out of it.
For years, I struggled with living in this present state. When I was present, I got nothing done - I just merrily floated in the moment, and while life was fully present in me, I wasn’t fully functioning in it; everything from work to chores was left undone in this marvellous state.
I became frustrated. Asking myself, time and time again, how can I live life in this state instead of just existing in it? How can I live in the present and still actively create a life? How can I plan for the future if I'm fully focused on the now?
I didn't understand how I could have a future if I was not constantly planning, worrying, doing everything for it. If my mind was not in the future.
As we grow and evolve, our understanding grows and evolves with us. Every single experience shapes, moulds, and forms us. Every day reshapes us and brings us new ways to experience the world. What I know today will in a few years have new depths. Everything I learn, see, and experience will help me open up to a greater understanding that only comes with time. With time, experience - and a willingness to grow.
Life is a constant evolution. A constant cycle of growing, changing, dying and being reborn.
Through this process of becoming by unbecoming, I have finally grasped what a sensory overload presence was for me in the beginning. I went from barely being here to being one with the universe in a nanosecond. Of course, I was unable to function in that state: I was blinded by the magnificence of life.
Our senses, understanding and our ability to be present are like any muscle in the body: stronger the more we use them. Back then, my senses didn’t have the capacity to take everything in, to understand everything I was experiencing, seeing, hearing, smelling and sensing in each moment.
With time, my senses have grown sharper, stronger. Yes, presence is still ecstatic, maybe even more so now that I have the ability to separate different currents, to sense what is mine and what is not. To, by focusing, dive deeper into something or step further away from it.
I have slowly, with years of practice, with years of actively staying present, realised how each moment I know - I know - what is right. I know what seeds to plant today to have a blooming garden come summer. I know how to be firmly rooted and how to sprout new leaves. I know how to gently work from this one moment and open up to everything that the next one brings along.
And this understanding has brought peace; my mind is not constantly worrying, creating alternative routes somewhere else - anywhere else - than here. I'm no longer living a life in my mind, in some future that might never be. I'm grounded here, in my body, in this moment.
Presence has become a flowing, free state with a multitude of realities and possibilities. A fine-tuned web of strings that is constantly available for me.
And in each moment, I know, I know which strings to draw, what tune to play. And I dance, I dance, because I now see how life unfolds in the now, in this body, in this moment.
A brilliant dance, a deep knowing, a song that sings of eternity and is only ever heard in this breath.
Thank you for reading a Soulful Voyage & sharing this journey with me.