It has been a year of unbecoming
My birthday is in a few weeks. As the earth begins a new journey around the sun, so will I, commence my 32nd year of life.
I’ve been reflecting over the past year. It’s been a year of crumbling hardship, a year that has brought me to my knees and at times felt utterly hopeless. A year that has left me stranded at the edge of the world, open to the universes within.
It has been a year of unbecoming.
What has got me through this time of darkness has been the simple pleasures of life. Taking time to marvel at each new day. Noticing how the shadows dance on the wall, how the music echoing from the neighbour sets a soft rhythm to the day, how gently the children approach our dog, how the milk forms circles in the first cup of coffee.
To marvel at life and being alive. Holding on to the beautiful, the magical, the good has held me together. Giving all my attention to the tiny, beautiful details of the mundane has made breathing easier. Focusing on this moment and this moment alone has eased the way into the next.
This year has been a becoming whole by falling apart. Letting go of demands, plans and expectations. Allowing life.
And by unbecoming I’ve become. By allowing I’ve created a spring of life, new currents that have led to new worlds.
New worlds that have reminded me of how nothing is ever set in stone, of how there’s beauty in darkness as well, and that I carry an infinite amount of love within.
A love that has blossomed to life by loving life.
Loving life in the murky waters, in the deepest depths and uprooting storms.
Love is an infinite river,
a force that paves the way,
explains the infinite,
reminds how rare and beautiful it is to even exist,
as they sing in a song that I’ve been playing on repeat as an everyday reminder of the beauty of life in all its different shades.
It’s miraculous how we save each other, sometimes with the smallest of gestures, our creations, the simplest words, with our mere existence.
Thanking you for being here, for reminding me of the beauty life has to offer, for the infinite love you hold – I hold – the world holds.
Grateful. Lovingly yours. Always.
Ida.