About resisting, storms that break us & finding our way back
Most of last year was tumultuous, earth-shattering, back-breaking. I found myself being broken by a storm. Broken instead of being gently rooted and bent by the winds that swept through my life.
Resisting is a powerful - and draining - thing. It takes immense amounts of energy and seems to yield nothing but frustration. It stems from fear, a primal fear of losing control, a fear of failing, a fear of not knowing.
With all my might I have been fighting, swimming against the current, refusing to let go, refusing to allow life. Clinging on to something familiar because fear shook me to the core.
Because sometimes it feels impossible to let go. Impossible to once more uproot and step into something new. To allow the unknown. To allow life to be what it is instead of what we wish it would be.
Swimming against the current is exhausting and eventually, I grew tired. Tired of fighting. So tired that there was no fight left in me. I grew tired of the heaviness, how sticky life felt, how gloomy it had become. I grew tired, and finally, in that exhaustion - because of that exhaustion - I let go.
I finally let go.
Letting go released energy, space, life. Slowly I started to breathe in understanding and breathe out all that was pulling me down. I realised I had created my own reality. I had invited the heaviness in solely by resisting the natural flow of life.
This realisation broke a dam, and slowly but surely both I, and my life started to flow freely again. Life began to feel like life again.
In this free flow, I needed a pause. A pregnant pause. To re-evaluate what I carry with me and how these things, thoughts and ideas affect me, my life, my flow. I asked again and again:
Does this help me float or does it drag me down? Does this give life or take life? How does this impact my surroundings; is my existence on this planet life-giving or restricting?
Floating, freely, with love and compassion I dived deep into every question, deep enough to find the answers that echo a song that resonates with my soul.
In the depths, with music only I could hear, I remembered how
life happens through me,
is a magnificent manifestation
that takes shape through my individual form.
And that nothing - nothing
is ever wrong for me,
all is here
all I experience,
sense,
live,
learn
is here to be brought alive through me.
A long road, a deep dive, countless questions, slow breaths and gentle walks. A winding road that led me here, today. Here at the beginning of something new.
Here, excited about the multitudes of forms life takes through me. Here, I am ready to share, share all the magic that sparkles in the world, and is ready to be made true, experienced through me and channelled into these words that have been a long time waiting to take form.
From the depths I resurface,
from a pause, I come alive,
and through me
new worlds are born.
I am beyond grateful that you are here and have stayed here through this silence. I’m excited about the new, all the new that is forming, growing and waiting to be shared.
And please do share: I know last year was difficult for many of us, took us to places that broke us, but hopefully, through breaking, also guided us to places that help us find back home.
With all my love,
Ida.